Washed With Tears

God has been teaching me a lot lately about worship.  (Yes, the word "worship" is in my job title, but that's not what I'm talking about.)

Last night I was reading a Bible story to Jack.  The woman who washes Jesus' feet with her tears and perfume.  It's a story that I have probably heard hundreds of times.  But never like this.  It's from the Jesus Storybook Bible (side note: if you don't have the Jesus Storybook Bible, GET IT.  Whether you have kids or not.  You can find it here or here.)

I always knew that this story was about worship.  About giving what we have to Jesus.  But this time it was different.  I can't really describe what struck me about the story without telling the story.  The way we read it last night.  So here it is.

Excerpt from The Jesus Storybook Bible, by by Sally Lloyd-Jones, Copyright 2007, Zondervan

Washed with tears
A sinful woman anoints Jesus, from Mark 14, Luke 7, and John 12

One night Jesus went to dinner at an Important Leader's house. The Important Leader invited his Important Friends. They were all just sitting down to eat when a woman walked in. She was not invited but everyone knew who she was.

"Who does she think she is?" the guests whispered. "How dare she?" The woman was a big sinner and everyone knew it.  (It was easy to see -- after all, she had broken the rules and done bad things.)

The woman walked straight up to Jesus. She was carrying very expensive perfume.

Now the thing about perfume back then was that it didn't come in bottle, it came in jars. And the jars were made out of precious stone, like alabaster. But here's the catch: the jars didn't have a lid, or a stopper, or anything. So the only way you got the perfume out was if you broke the jar. Once you broke the jar, that was it -- you had no more. Most people didn't use perfume because it was too precious. They just kept it on a shelf and looked at it.

So you see, this perfume was her most precious thing in all the world. It was her treasure.

The woman knelt down before Jesus like he was a king. She held Jesus' feet in her hands and started to cry. Her tears fell onto Jesus' feet, washing them. She kissed his feet and dried them with her long, dark hair. And then she did something strange. She broke the jar and poured the perfume all over his feet.

Everyone gasped. What a waste! Over someone's feet? Such expensive perfume!

It smelled like lilies in a summer field.

Jesus looked at the woman, and he smiled at her. What she had done was the most wonderful thing. Just as Samuel had anointed David, God's true king, all those years before, so this woman had anointed Jesus -- not with oil, but with her tears.

The Important People were cross. They thought Jesus should not be kind to this woman. "That woman is a sinner!" they grumbled. "We're the good ones." (And it's true, they did look good -- from the outside. After all, they were keeping all the rules.)

But Jesus could see inside people. And inside, in their hearts, Jesus saw that they did not love God or other people. They were running away from God and they thought they didn't need a rescuer. They thought they were good enough because they kept the rules. But sin had stopped their hearts from working properly. And their hearts were hard and cold.

"This woman knows she's a sinner," Jesus told them. "She knows she'll never be good enough. She knows she needs me to rescue her. That's why she loves me so much.

"You look down on this woman because you don't look up to God. She is sinful on the outside -- but you are sinful on the inside."

The Important People shook with anger.

Jesus turned to the woman and smiled. "Your sins are forgiven," he said. "You trusted me. And God has rescued you!"

Baby Dream Numero Uno

Pregnancy brings about all sorts of weird dreams.  Last night I had a dream that I was having the baby.  I'm guessing it's not the last one I'll have in the next few months.  Here's how it went...

I was in the hospital.  But no one was in the room with me.  I kept calling for Dustin, but he was downstairs getting a snack or something.  Then all of a sudden I knew it was time, so I just pushed the baby out!  Real quick.  And then I grabbed it and just held it, calling for Dustin some more.  Then it occurred to me that I didn't know the baby's gender, so I looked down and saw it was a boy.  And I thought, "Oh crap, we didn't pick out a boy name yet."

So I just kept holding the slimy, nameless baby boy until Dustin finally got there to cut the cord.

Then the baby went to the nursery, and I went to a fundraiser in a gym.  And ran into my doctor there (Note: in my dream, my doctor was not the same guy as my real life doctor.)  He asked how it went.  I said, "Well, I only had to push the one time.  I felt like I was gonna poop, so I just pushed him right out!"  And then he gave me a hug and told me good job.

That's it.  I really hope it doesn't go like that in real life.

Schwan's

I finally did it.  I finally called Schwan's and cancelled our service.

I could NOT say no to the guy!  He was so nice!  So every time he came to the door, I felt like I had to buy something.  It was always something we didn't really need.  And too expensive.  But I just had to buy stuff.  Kinda like when the cute little girl down the street wants to sell us some candy bars.  The Schwan's man is definitely not a cute little girl.  But I still couldn't say no.  It's a problem.

Don't get me wrong, Schwan's is great.  I'm not bashing them at all.  The food is good.  When I was pregnant with Jack I practically lived on their mint chocolate chip drumsticks.  (Is that why he's such a sweet tooth?)  But we just don't eat frozen food very often.  It's an unnecessary expense for us right now.

So instead of doing the mature thing and telling the guy we didn't want Schwan's anymore, I've been dodging him.  Every other Tuesday evening I've been finding stuff to do so we wouldn't be home when he came over.  We'd go shopping or to a friend's house.  Or sometimes when I heard the truck coming, we would hide out in the basement like we were in the Underground Railroad.  When Jack was a baby, I would put my hand over his mouth so he wouldn't cry.  It was actually kind of a thrill, trying not to get caught.

And on the days that we forgot he was coming, and we'd be in the driveway playing when he pulled up, I knew I would be buying some sweet potato fries or ice cream sandwiches.  Of course.

This has been going on for about a year and a half.  Pathetic, I know.

But today was the day.  After calling Jen and asking (again) if we could come over to play until after the Schwan's man came to our house, I decided enough was enough.  I'm tired of the running.  So I called the 800 number and told them we're trimming our budget and the Schwan's has to go.

It's over.

I grew up a little bit more today.

Forever Reign

Do you know the song Forever Reign?  If not, listen to it.  Right now.  Go buy it on iTunes.  Or if you're cheap, look it up on YouTube.  Then come back and read the rest of this post.  

We did that song yesterday.  And every time I hear it, I'm taken back to the first time I led it.  God was working on me big time.  

On Saturday, November 26th, I was leading worship at Pathway.  Tyler had asked us to wrap up the service with the song Forever Reign.  I got to sing it.  And I was pretty excited about it.  Love that song!

But I was really nervous on November 26th.  Not because of the song.  I was supposed to start my period the next day.  (Sorry if that's TMI for you males.)  And, as I've mentioned before, November was our last try to get pregnant.  I was planning to take a test on Sunday morning.  And I was anxious.  

Remember how the Bible says "be anxious for nothing" and we're supposed to give all our requests to God?  Well...with the whole trying to get pregnant thing, I was pretty good at that.  Until that weekend.  Until it was the last try.  Crunch time.  And there was absolutely nothing else I could do but wait until the next day and pee on a stick.  

And then in the middle of that song, I realized what I was singing.  Words like "the riches of Your love will always be enough" and "You are Peace when my fear is crippling" and "You are God, of all else I'm letting go."  

And I realized that I believed it.  Somehow I had let the anxiety creep in.  And I forgot.  I forgot that His riches are enough.  Always.  I forgot that He gives me peace.  Always.  And that He is God, and I can let go of everything else.  Always.  No matter what the peestick says.  

In moments like that, it's hard to keep singing.  But I did.  

And twelve hours later, the peestick had good news.  :)

I sang that song twice more on Sunday.  Same song as the night before.  But a totally different experience for me.  No one else would have known (no one else even knew that I was pregnant, except for Dustin).  But God and I knew exactly what I was feeling.  I can't really explain it, but it was a sweet, sweet moment between me and Jesus.  

And as I sang those same words, I hoped that they would mean as much to someone else in the room as they meant to me.  

You are more, You are more than my words will ever say

You are Lord, You are Lord, all creation will proclaim

You are here, You are here, in Your presence I'm made whole

You are God, You are God, of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms

The riches of Your love will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace

Light of the world, forever reign