Pregnancy brings about all sorts of weird dreams. Last night I had a dream that I was having the baby. I'm guessing it's not the last one I'll have in the next few months. Here's how it went...
I was in the hospital. But no one was in the room with me. I kept calling for Dustin, but he was downstairs getting a snack or something. Then all of a sudden I knew it was time, so I just pushed the baby out! Real quick. And then I grabbed it and just held it, calling for Dustin some more. Then it occurred to me that I didn't know the baby's gender, so I looked down and saw it was a boy. And I thought, "Oh crap, we didn't pick out a boy name yet."
So I just kept holding the slimy, nameless baby boy until Dustin finally got there to cut the cord.
Then the baby went to the nursery, and I went to a fundraiser in a gym. And ran into my doctor there (Note: in my dream, my doctor was not the same guy as my real life doctor.) He asked how it went. I said, "Well, I only had to push the one time. I felt like I was gonna poop, so I just pushed him right out!" And then he gave me a hug and told me good job.
That's it. I really hope it doesn't go like that in real life.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Schwan's
I finally did it. I finally called Schwan's and cancelled our service.
I could NOT say no to the guy! He was so nice! So every time he came to the door, I felt like I had to buy something. It was always something we didn't really need. And too expensive. But I just had to buy stuff. Kinda like when the cute little girl down the street wants to sell us some candy bars. The Schwan's man is definitely not a cute little girl. But I still couldn't say no. It's a problem.
Don't get me wrong, Schwan's is great. I'm not bashing them at all. The food is good. When I was pregnant with Jack I practically lived on their mint chocolate chip drumsticks. (Is that why he's such a sweet tooth?) But we just don't eat frozen food very often. It's an unnecessary expense for us right now.
So instead of doing the mature thing and telling the guy we didn't want Schwan's anymore, I've been dodging him. Every other Tuesday evening I've been finding stuff to do so we wouldn't be home when he came over. We'd go shopping or to a friend's house. Or sometimes when I heard the truck coming, we would hide out in the basement like we were in the Underground Railroad. When Jack was a baby, I would put my hand over his mouth so he wouldn't cry. It was actually kind of a thrill, trying not to get caught.
And on the days that we forgot he was coming, and we'd be in the driveway playing when he pulled up, I knew I would be buying some sweet potato fries or ice cream sandwiches. Of course.
This has been going on for about a year and a half. Pathetic, I know.
But today was the day. After calling Jen and asking (again) if we could come over to play until after the Schwan's man came to our house, I decided enough was enough. I'm tired of the running. So I called the 800 number and told them we're trimming our budget and the Schwan's has to go.
It's over.
I grew up a little bit more today.
I could NOT say no to the guy! He was so nice! So every time he came to the door, I felt like I had to buy something. It was always something we didn't really need. And too expensive. But I just had to buy stuff. Kinda like when the cute little girl down the street wants to sell us some candy bars. The Schwan's man is definitely not a cute little girl. But I still couldn't say no. It's a problem.
Don't get me wrong, Schwan's is great. I'm not bashing them at all. The food is good. When I was pregnant with Jack I practically lived on their mint chocolate chip drumsticks. (Is that why he's such a sweet tooth?) But we just don't eat frozen food very often. It's an unnecessary expense for us right now.
So instead of doing the mature thing and telling the guy we didn't want Schwan's anymore, I've been dodging him. Every other Tuesday evening I've been finding stuff to do so we wouldn't be home when he came over. We'd go shopping or to a friend's house. Or sometimes when I heard the truck coming, we would hide out in the basement like we were in the Underground Railroad. When Jack was a baby, I would put my hand over his mouth so he wouldn't cry. It was actually kind of a thrill, trying not to get caught.
And on the days that we forgot he was coming, and we'd be in the driveway playing when he pulled up, I knew I would be buying some sweet potato fries or ice cream sandwiches. Of course.
This has been going on for about a year and a half. Pathetic, I know.
But today was the day. After calling Jen and asking (again) if we could come over to play until after the Schwan's man came to our house, I decided enough was enough. I'm tired of the running. So I called the 800 number and told them we're trimming our budget and the Schwan's has to go.
It's over.
I grew up a little bit more today.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Forever Reign
Do you know the song Forever Reign? If not, listen to it. Right now. Go buy it on iTunes. Or if you're cheap, look it up on YouTube. Then come back and read the rest of this post.
We did that song yesterday. And every time I hear it, I'm taken back to the first time I led it. God was working on me big time.
On Saturday, November 26th, I was leading worship at Pathway. Tyler had asked us to wrap up the service with the song Forever Reign. I got to sing it. And I was pretty excited about it. Love that song!
But I was really nervous on November 26th. Not because of the song. I was supposed to start my period the next day. (Sorry if that's TMI for you males.) And, as I've mentioned before, November was our last try to get pregnant. I was planning to take a test on Sunday morning. And I was anxious.
Remember how the Bible says "be anxious for nothing" and we're supposed to give all our requests to God? Well...with the whole trying to get pregnant thing, I was pretty good at that. Until that weekend. Until it was the last try. Crunch time. And there was absolutely nothing else I could do but wait until the next day and pee on a stick.
And then in the middle of that song, I realized what I was singing. Words like "the riches of Your love will always be enough" and "You are Peace when my fear is crippling" and "You are God, of all else I'm letting go."
And I realized that I believed it. Somehow I had let the anxiety creep in. And I forgot. I forgot that His riches are enough. Always. I forgot that He gives me peace. Always. And that He is God, and I can let go of everything else. Always. No matter what the peestick says.
In moments like that, it's hard to keep singing. But I did.
And twelve hours later, the peestick had good news. :)
I sang that song twice more on Sunday. Same song as the night before. But a totally different experience for me. No one else would have known (no one else even knew that I was pregnant, except for Dustin). But God and I knew exactly what I was feeling. I can't really explain it, but it was a sweet, sweet moment between me and Jesus.
And as I sang those same words, I hoped that they would mean as much to someone else in the room as they meant to me.
You are more, You are more than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord, all creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here, in Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God, of all else I'm letting go
Oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your love will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world, forever reign
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Cups
If any of you have spent any amount of time with me in the last 6 months, you've probably seen my Starbucks cup. It's a huge, plastic cup that holds lots of water. And helps me drink lots of water. I love it. It's almost always with me. Kinda like a security blanket.
I've actually had a few not-so-friendly comments about the cup. Apparently people think it's excessive. Comments like "Who would pay $17 for a cup?" And "Why do you need such a fancy cup? Can't you just use a regular cup?" These comments have just made me more fond of it. Having to defend something makes you love it even more. (In my cup's defense, it really does help me drink more water, which makes me healthier. The lid helps me not spill. And I'm sure I've saved much more than $17 by not purchasing bottles of water.)
Anyway, I was really attached to this cup. Probably a little too much. Which makes the following story so, so sad.
Today was a VERY busy day. Jack was at two different babysitters while I worked, ran errands, and went to band practice.
I took my cup to work with me this morning. When we got home around 5:00, I took it out of the cupholder in my car, along with our "I Make The Dupont Difference" travel coffee mug. I set them both on the bumper of our Pathfinder while I took Jack out of the car.
You can see where this is going.
We went inside and I got my stuff ready for practice, got Jack's stuff ready to go to his aunt and uncle's for the evening, and grabbed some quick dinner. As soon as my sister-in-law pulled out of the driveway with Jack, I thought, "I should fill up my cup for practice tonight. But where is it?" I looked EVERYWHERE in the house, even checked the cupholder in the car. But of course, not the bumper. Finally, since I was already running late, I just grabbed a bottle of water and decided to look for the cup later.
I backed out of the driveway and as I backed into the cul-de-sac, I heard a "crunch" under my car. But I was in a hurry, and it was dark, and I could tell it was a very small crunch, so I decided to just keep going. I had no idea.
Jack and I finally got home at 10:00. As I pulled into our cul-de-sac, my headlights hit something blue in the street. I realized it was the Dupont Difference coffee mug. Crushed. And then I realized what else that meant. My Starbucks cup! Yep. Smashed to smitherines in the street. By my own doing.
After I put Jack to bed, I went out and picked up the pieces of my beverage containers. It was a little bit sad. Okay, a lot sad. I may or may not have gotten a little misty.
Pregnancy brain strikes again.
I've actually had a few not-so-friendly comments about the cup. Apparently people think it's excessive. Comments like "Who would pay $17 for a cup?" And "Why do you need such a fancy cup? Can't you just use a regular cup?" These comments have just made me more fond of it. Having to defend something makes you love it even more. (In my cup's defense, it really does help me drink more water, which makes me healthier. The lid helps me not spill. And I'm sure I've saved much more than $17 by not purchasing bottles of water.)
Anyway, I was really attached to this cup. Probably a little too much. Which makes the following story so, so sad.
Today was a VERY busy day. Jack was at two different babysitters while I worked, ran errands, and went to band practice.
I took my cup to work with me this morning. When we got home around 5:00, I took it out of the cupholder in my car, along with our "I Make The Dupont Difference" travel coffee mug. I set them both on the bumper of our Pathfinder while I took Jack out of the car.
You can see where this is going.
We went inside and I got my stuff ready for practice, got Jack's stuff ready to go to his aunt and uncle's for the evening, and grabbed some quick dinner. As soon as my sister-in-law pulled out of the driveway with Jack, I thought, "I should fill up my cup for practice tonight. But where is it?" I looked EVERYWHERE in the house, even checked the cupholder in the car. But of course, not the bumper. Finally, since I was already running late, I just grabbed a bottle of water and decided to look for the cup later.
I backed out of the driveway and as I backed into the cul-de-sac, I heard a "crunch" under my car. But I was in a hurry, and it was dark, and I could tell it was a very small crunch, so I decided to just keep going. I had no idea.
Jack and I finally got home at 10:00. As I pulled into our cul-de-sac, my headlights hit something blue in the street. I realized it was the Dupont Difference coffee mug. Crushed. And then I realized what else that meant. My Starbucks cup! Yep. Smashed to smitherines in the street. By my own doing.
After I put Jack to bed, I went out and picked up the pieces of my beverage containers. It was a little bit sad. Okay, a lot sad. I may or may not have gotten a little misty.
Pregnancy brain strikes again.
I Feel A #2 Coming On...
I feel a #2 coming on.
That's how I wanted to announce on FB that we were pregnant with our second kid. Dustin thought it wasn't classy at all. I believe his exact words were "You're disgusting." So I'll just make it a blog title instead.
Yep, we're having another one! It has been quite a journey to say the least. We've been trying for almost a year. I was on some fertility meds to help the process along. And God's timing is perfect.
That's what made this year so bearable. Knowing that God's timing is perfect. He's already showed us that.
We were not planning to start a family as soon as we did. Jack was a surprise to us. But not to Him. He knew exactly when we were supposed to get pregnant with him (6 months after our wedding). He knew exactly how and when to make Jack happen. And Jack is awesome. I wouldn't want him any other way, or any other time. God knew what He was doing. Typical.
So with this one, even though we weren't getting pregnant when we thought we wanted to, we knew that God had this one. He was gonna make our kid exactly how and WHEN he/she was supposed to be. And he waited until my 6th month on Clomid. The last month that I was allowed to take it. Pretty much the last try. We weren't going to go any further down the fertility road. Adoption has always been (and still will be) in our future, so that was gonna be our next step. If we didn't get pregnant in November. But AS IT TURNED OUT, we did get pregnant in November. Yay God.
God has taught us so much in the past year, and I know He's gonna teach us even more as we grow our family. That's what He does.
And here are all the details for you detail people.
1. I am due August 2nd. Just 6 days after my 29th birthday.
2. There is only one baby in there. For sure. We had an ultrasound and she checked extra good.
Thanks to everyone who prayed for us, by the way. I totally forget who all I told we were trying, but if you prayed for us anytime along the way, thank you. Our journey was not nearly as difficult as a lot of couples. We are truly thankful.
There are more AS IT TURNED OUT moments in our story. I'll save those for another post. Stay tuned.
That's how I wanted to announce on FB that we were pregnant with our second kid. Dustin thought it wasn't classy at all. I believe his exact words were "You're disgusting." So I'll just make it a blog title instead.
Yep, we're having another one! It has been quite a journey to say the least. We've been trying for almost a year. I was on some fertility meds to help the process along. And God's timing is perfect.
That's what made this year so bearable. Knowing that God's timing is perfect. He's already showed us that.
We were not planning to start a family as soon as we did. Jack was a surprise to us. But not to Him. He knew exactly when we were supposed to get pregnant with him (6 months after our wedding). He knew exactly how and when to make Jack happen. And Jack is awesome. I wouldn't want him any other way, or any other time. God knew what He was doing. Typical.
So with this one, even though we weren't getting pregnant when we thought we wanted to, we knew that God had this one. He was gonna make our kid exactly how and WHEN he/she was supposed to be. And he waited until my 6th month on Clomid. The last month that I was allowed to take it. Pretty much the last try. We weren't going to go any further down the fertility road. Adoption has always been (and still will be) in our future, so that was gonna be our next step. If we didn't get pregnant in November. But AS IT TURNED OUT, we did get pregnant in November. Yay God.
God has taught us so much in the past year, and I know He's gonna teach us even more as we grow our family. That's what He does.
And here are all the details for you detail people.
1. I am due August 2nd. Just 6 days after my 29th birthday.
2. There is only one baby in there. For sure. We had an ultrasound and she checked extra good.
Thanks to everyone who prayed for us, by the way. I totally forget who all I told we were trying, but if you prayed for us anytime along the way, thank you. Our journey was not nearly as difficult as a lot of couples. We are truly thankful.
There are more AS IT TURNED OUT moments in our story. I'll save those for another post. Stay tuned.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Giggles
Today I was tickling Jack and he was giggling. Hard. I love it. Especially when it gets to the point where he can't breathe. And he's saying "No! No!" And then when I finally stop he says, "Again!" It's great. Anyone who has ever heard a little kid giggling knows what I'm talking about.
I don't wanna get too deep too fast, but oh well. Here we go....making Jack giggle is a big highlight to my day. And I would think probably it's a highlight in his day as well. But it makes me think about all the kids who don't have a reason to giggle. Do they get tickled? Eh...maybe. But they have far worse problems than what Jack will ever have to deal with. They don't have parents. Or they don't have a home. Or they don't have food.
We sponsor two of these kids. Vitor is turning ten this month. He lives in Brazil with his mom and sister. I started sponsoring him through Compassion International about 5 years ago. About a year into my sponsorship, Vitor got a terrible disease in his blood (I forget what it was called) and had to be in the hospital for several weeks. Fortunately, he came out okay and is healthy now. Vitor draws the best pictures. There's one on our fridge now.
And then there's Devika. She's five years old and lives at Home of Love in India. We sponsor her through the Invisible Girl Project. Dustin got to visit the Home of Love in June, and we started sponsoring Devika in September. She was the newest resident at the orphanage. Just weeks before she arrived, she watched her mother set herself on fire. My heart breaks for her.
All we can give these kids are money, letters, and prayers. Their photos are on our fridge, right at eye level above the water dispenser. To remind us to pray for them. I wear two bracelets on my wrist. One for Vitor and one for Devika. To remind me to pray for them. I hope someday to get to visit both of them and give them lots of hugs!
We do what we can for these two little ones. And someday we hope to adopt a little boy or girl (or 2 or 3???) to be a part of our family. We'll do what we can for them. God already knows who's going to be in our family, and when they will arrive. We pray for them too.
When I pray for these kids, I usually pray for very serious things. That they will grow, be healthy, be provided for, learn more about Jesus.....
But today I'm praying for giggles. I'm praying that they have a reason to smile. A reason to laugh.
And that they will giggle so hard that they can't breathe.
I don't wanna get too deep too fast, but oh well. Here we go....making Jack giggle is a big highlight to my day. And I would think probably it's a highlight in his day as well. But it makes me think about all the kids who don't have a reason to giggle. Do they get tickled? Eh...maybe. But they have far worse problems than what Jack will ever have to deal with. They don't have parents. Or they don't have a home. Or they don't have food.
We sponsor two of these kids. Vitor is turning ten this month. He lives in Brazil with his mom and sister. I started sponsoring him through Compassion International about 5 years ago. About a year into my sponsorship, Vitor got a terrible disease in his blood (I forget what it was called) and had to be in the hospital for several weeks. Fortunately, he came out okay and is healthy now. Vitor draws the best pictures. There's one on our fridge now.
And then there's Devika. She's five years old and lives at Home of Love in India. We sponsor her through the Invisible Girl Project. Dustin got to visit the Home of Love in June, and we started sponsoring Devika in September. She was the newest resident at the orphanage. Just weeks before she arrived, she watched her mother set herself on fire. My heart breaks for her.
All we can give these kids are money, letters, and prayers. Their photos are on our fridge, right at eye level above the water dispenser. To remind us to pray for them. I wear two bracelets on my wrist. One for Vitor and one for Devika. To remind me to pray for them. I hope someday to get to visit both of them and give them lots of hugs!
We do what we can for these two little ones. And someday we hope to adopt a little boy or girl (or 2 or 3???) to be a part of our family. We'll do what we can for them. God already knows who's going to be in our family, and when they will arrive. We pray for them too.
When I pray for these kids, I usually pray for very serious things. That they will grow, be healthy, be provided for, learn more about Jesus.....
But today I'm praying for giggles. I'm praying that they have a reason to smile. A reason to laugh.
And that they will giggle so hard that they can't breathe.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
It's Sunday
It's Sunday. And we're at home. The last Pathway service starts in 3 minutes, and we're still in our pajamas. It's just one of those days.
I gotta admit, I'm a little bummed about missing the service this morning. Since I do the slides, I get to read Ron's sermon notes ahead of time, and this one looks extra good! We'll catch it on the podcast later this week. But it's still not the same.
On Friday morning we were thinking, "Finally! A weekend where neither one of us has to work, and we don't have a lot going on! We can relax at home as a family!" Well.....somehow the weekend filled up. Dustin decided to take the wallpaper off of the only room in the house that we haven't redone yet. So that meant a couple trips to the store. We went to a birthday party, we went to a local Christmas event, we went out to eat. And it feels like we haven't taken a breath all weekend! This afternoon I'm going shopping with my MIL and SIL, and then I'm working at a special service at Pathway this evening. These are all good things. But they're still THINGS. TO. DO. So this morning was the only potential down time.
I do believe that God wants us to be at church. I believe that he wants us to be a part of a church community and be consistently involved in that community. To build others up, and to build us up. But today, it's family time. He wants us to have that too. He wants us to rest. He wants us to enjoy the people we live with. And sometimes that means cutting something out of the schedule to just hang out with each other.
Will we do this every Sunday? Absolutely not. Church is too valuable. It's a part of our lives that we cannot do without. But this is what we're doing today. Eating breakfast (not in the car on the way to somewhere....actually sitting down and eating breakfast), reading books, and, right now...watching Elmo. :-)
It's about time for me to jump in the shower and head out the door to the rest of my busy day. And Dustin will probably spend the afternoon upstairs scraping wallpaper, running downstairs every so often to check the score of whatever football game is on. The busyness will continue. The busyness will ALWAYS continue.
We just have to keep finding mornings like these.
I gotta admit, I'm a little bummed about missing the service this morning. Since I do the slides, I get to read Ron's sermon notes ahead of time, and this one looks extra good! We'll catch it on the podcast later this week. But it's still not the same.
On Friday morning we were thinking, "Finally! A weekend where neither one of us has to work, and we don't have a lot going on! We can relax at home as a family!" Well.....somehow the weekend filled up. Dustin decided to take the wallpaper off of the only room in the house that we haven't redone yet. So that meant a couple trips to the store. We went to a birthday party, we went to a local Christmas event, we went out to eat. And it feels like we haven't taken a breath all weekend! This afternoon I'm going shopping with my MIL and SIL, and then I'm working at a special service at Pathway this evening. These are all good things. But they're still THINGS. TO. DO. So this morning was the only potential down time.
I do believe that God wants us to be at church. I believe that he wants us to be a part of a church community and be consistently involved in that community. To build others up, and to build us up. But today, it's family time. He wants us to have that too. He wants us to rest. He wants us to enjoy the people we live with. And sometimes that means cutting something out of the schedule to just hang out with each other.
Will we do this every Sunday? Absolutely not. Church is too valuable. It's a part of our lives that we cannot do without. But this is what we're doing today. Eating breakfast (not in the car on the way to somewhere....actually sitting down and eating breakfast), reading books, and, right now...watching Elmo. :-)
It's about time for me to jump in the shower and head out the door to the rest of my busy day. And Dustin will probably spend the afternoon upstairs scraping wallpaper, running downstairs every so often to check the score of whatever football game is on. The busyness will continue. The busyness will ALWAYS continue.
We just have to keep finding mornings like these.
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